I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2011. I was 46 years old. I was also a single mother, a high school English teacher, and an alcoholic still stumbling my way through recovery. Resilient is not a word I would have used to describe myself on that day in the middle of Breast Cancer Awareness month.
I am not alone. Throughout history humans have navigated hardship. Some found themselves in the midst of personal challenges and others faced societal barriers. In the end, we have consistently discovered an unbelievable capacity to adapt and persevere in the most challenging of circumstances. If you have experienced this, you know first-hand what I am talking about.
The Power of Resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, adapt to change, and continue moving forward in the face of obstacles. Those who have walked this path emerge stronger and more self-assured than ever before. We rebuild our lives and find our support systems, but how does this happen?
The power of this type of resilience lies in the ability to transform adversity into opportunity. Embracing (or at least accepting) change and seeing the challenges in front of us as chances to grow, we can somehow tap into the inner strength we weren’t aware they possessed and create a new vision for their life.
Life Is Not Predictable
This is perhaps the first truth that we need to accept when facing adversity.
“Control is an illusion, and that’s the truth. The only thing we can control is our reaction to things. We cannot control the universe. Shit happens! Right when my life seemed back on track, a radiologist dared to utter the “C word.”
Cancer is one hell of a brick wall to hit going seventy miles per hour. Perception is key, though, and I am now far enough removed from my cancer diagnosis and all that came with it to see that everybody is dealing with something.
During my cancer journey, I was able to remind myself that there were plenty of people facing more challenging circumstances than I was. Did that prevent me from succumbing to thoughts of self-pity? No, and I had the right to those moments. I had cancer for crying out loud. The thing it did, though, was aid me in regaining my composure, shaking off any setbacks, and carrying on with life to the best of my ability.”
Excerpt from Cancer Taught Me
Laughter Is an Antidote
I’m sure most of you have heard the aphorism “laughter is the best medicine.” When faced with adversity, there is not much that is within our control. Attitude, though? We can change our attitude whether we believe it at the moment or not.
One of the first pieces of advice I received after my bilateral mastectomy was to watch something funny, so I bought Big Bang Theory DVDs – all of them that were out at the time. It worked. For the 30 minutes that I was watching the show, I was able to escape my pity party. What I learned is that distraction isn’t always a bad thing.
“If I could give one piece of life advice, it would be to laugh as often as you can. Find what is uplifting and funny, and laugh. Find people who make you smile and laugh with them. Find what you can laugh at within yourself, and laugh at that too. It will not always be easy, and sometimes it will be downright difficult, but laughter can heal you both physically and emotionally, and it is nearly impossible to be upset while you are laughing.”
[Excerpt from Cancer Taught Me]
Acceptance Is the Key
The difficult thing about facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles is that “we never know how long the battles will be or how steep the mountain of adversity. At some points in my journey, I was literally just putting one foot in front of the other. Later, I would need to learn to adjust to my “new normal.” Today, I understand that even as a cancer survivor, I will never be the same person I was before my diagnosis. I haven’t always liked that, but I have come to accept it.”
[Excerpt from Cancer Taught Me]
The truth is that acceptance is the key to all of our problems, large and small. Accepting that something is a fact does not mean we need to like it (or even be okay with it at the moment). It just means that we accept that we have no ability to change it.
There Is No Shame in Accepting Help
I’m not sure why, but I have struggled my entire life with asking for help. What I learned on my cancer journey is that often we don’t have to ask. People are good. They will offer to help us. All we have to do is get out of our own way and “let them.”
The help people offered was diverse. Some people, including teens, brought meals for my family. Neighbors did yardwork. One girl I didn’t even know made me a blanket. Friends sat with me at Chemotherapy and came to visit with me at home. People picked up my kids and helped me get them to activities. And this is just the tip of that proverbial iceberg.
“I learned that when people offer to help, they aren’t doing it because they think you can’t take care of yourself; they are doing it because they care about you. I am so grateful for all the people who reached out to me and my family. I find it impossible to imagine my cancer journey without every single person who helped us.”
Excerpt from Cancer Taught Me
Resiliency Doesn’t Happen on an Island
Resiliency is not a solitary endeavor. It is not an innate trait that you are either born with or you’re not. It is not about doing everything on your own and it doesn’t mean you never give up. I gave up plenty during my journey. I was fortunate to be surrounded by good people who wouldn’t accept that as a permanent solution.
Resiliency is a mind set that we learn and practice over the span of our lifetimes when we run into road blocks both large and small. With the help of others, we learn that detours do not mean we have reached the end of the road. The goal is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
I have tried to offer some of the things I learned that helped me to persevere even when life was hard. I’m sure the list is incomplete. I would love to hear about the lessons you have learned.